Seasons

I have decided to join the blogging world. I mean, I am a journalist after all.
I don't know who will read this. If anyone will read this. But I'm ok with that.

When I first thought about blogs, I thought about self-centered people who write about themselves and complain about how sucky life is.
Don't worry...this won't be one of those blogs.
Sure, some days I might complain about life. But others I hope to share with you the things on my heart and the things God is doing in my life. Like now.

I've had a lot of relizations in the last while. The biggest one? I am a SENIOR. Spell is out people, a S-E-N-I-O-R!
Walking on campus that first day of school...it hit me. I am a senior. I will be graduating in May 2011. I will have to find a real job. Wow.
If you would have told me freshman year that I would have enjoyed college, I would have told you that you were nuts (Freshman year was a rough one...but that's a whole different story). I was told by a number of people before coming to NDSU that college is "the best years of your life." At first I thought they were crazy. Now...I realize how true it is.
My nearly four years at NDSU has been  BEYOND blessed. What with Chi Alpha, theatre, the newspaper, my amazing friends...the thought of leaving these things behind is so hard to bare some days.

The future is scary. And I won't lie. At the end of the school year this spring, I was super ridiculously freaked out about graduating in a year. I hated the thought of being done with college. I finally got the hang of college. I am GOOD at college. There was always that promise at the end of the school year that I would be back and taking on another year. That wasn't so much the case this time. I know, I know. What good does it do to worry? It doesn't. (But let's consider the fact that I am genetically inclined to be a worrywart. Thanks Mom & Grandma)

But then something happened. I was out visiting FaHoCha Bible Camp this summer, only the greatest place on Earth (I may be a little biased). It was the first time I'd been out there in 2 years. I was standing out on the dock, looking over the lake and I couldn't help but think of how much I missed camp. Of how much I missed that time in my life, when things seemed so much simpler. The future wasn't such a huge and looming thought in my mind. I wished that I could go back and relive those years.
        But God got a hold of me. He told me that my years at camp were a huge and wonderful part of my life. And those years are the springboard that got me to where I am today. That season of my life has passed. But it was a small piece in the puzzle of my life that only God can complete.

Well, I continued through the summer holding close to that moment of realization. It wasn't until a few weeks ago when I was talking with my voice teacher that I had another huge realization. I am in a completely new season of life. And I didn't really realize it. God literally thrust me into this season, with no warnings, no advance notification. I'm here. And I'm not afraid of it.

Sometimes new seasons of life are hard and difficult. This season of my life doesn't seem to be one of those times. I'm just come to realize so much.
       I'm a senior. I graduate in May. Uffdah.
       I am no longer a follower. I AM a leader. In Chi Alpha, I am a small group leader. I am on the worship team. There are people who look to me for guidance and who count on me. I'm not saying this in a vain way. Because God has placed me in this leadership position. What I'm saying, is that I CAN'T be a follower anymore. This is my time to rise up into the position God has placed me in. I can't sit back and let someone else take the reigns. I can't sit on the sidelines and feel that I'm not good enough. That season has passed.
       Not only am I a leader in Chi Alpha, but God has given me an awesome opportunity in theatre as well. The past 2 years, I have been a member of Musical Theatre Troupe (an AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME blessing from the Lord!) and I have always been one to hang back and let the others take the lead. God isn't really letting me do that this year. He has placed this wonderful girl Callie in Troupe for me to mentor. She's a freshman, and literally my mini-me. She's fabulous and a blessing and I know God has placed her in Troupe so I can help her through all the insecurities I dealt with when starting Troupe.

I guess that's a huge part of this new season. That I am no longer a follower. But I am destined to be a leader. How can I sit back and be afraid of that? To be afraid would be to refuse God's plan for this year. I refuse to walk away from college feeling like I could have done more.

But another part of this new season is that I am much LESS afraid of the future than I was 4 months ago. I have this peace about everything. Yes..it still freaks me out. But there is this unwordly calmness that I feel. And I know there is so much to consider. I have had this feeling for the last few months that God is going to take me somewhere unexpected.
        Where is this unexpected place? I don't know, and some days that kills me. Maybe God will take me across the country to write for a Christian magazine or work for a Christian publishing company.
                  Or maybe God will take me overseas with some organization...
                           Or maybe God will place me in an unexpected town in North Dakota....
The future is scary. But God is good. And that is the one promise that I can cling to in this time of uncertainty. It's the promise I HAVE To cling to. But if there is anything I have learned in the last 3 months...it's that God's timing is SO SO SO perfect. Each moment is such an intricate and vital piece of the puzzle that only God can complete...at His own and perfect pace.

~Jeremiah 29:11~
      For I KNOW the plans I have for, declares the Lord. Plans to PROSPER you and not to harm you. Plans to give you HOPE and a Future