Do you ever have those moments when the words of a song or a video or the words of a friend hit you with such force that it almost knocks you to your knees? Your heart wells up and tears start to fall? Yeah...I had one of those moments recently.
It came one night at Chi Alpha as we were singing these words:
I have decided to follow Jesus.
I have decided to follow Jesus.
I have decided to follow Jesus.
No turning back. No turning back.
What a huge decision to make. I can't really explain what it was about these words that hit me so hard. Following Jesus is not a decision that can be made half-heartedly. You can't put one foot in and say "Ok God..I think this is good. I can follow you...for the most part."
With God...it's all or nothing.
Think about that for a second. ALL. or nothing.
Whoa. I still get chills thinking about that. I still am not sure why these words..which I have sang so many times... hit me with the force of a brick wall. Maybe it's because God has blessed me in so many undeserved ways..especially lately. Or maybe it's because everyday I witness the awesome things God does in my life and the lives of others. I see the benefits of following Jesus. It's hard. There are trials. But don't the benefits outweigh the trials a million to one?!
Though none go with me.
Still I will follow.
Though none go with me.
Still I will follow.
No turning back. No turning back.
I think that is sometimes the hardest part about the decision to follow Jesus. We decide to follow Jesus...but often times that decision is not masked by the people in our lives. We are ridiculed and condemned. We are called hypocrites and fakes. We desperately wish for our friends and family to understand our choice.
I think this is the hardest part for me. I really hate when people get upset with me...or think that I am judging them. I am a people pleaser. And I REALLY hate when people are mad at me. But a very wise person recently pointed out to me that Jesus didn't make people happy. Clearly not, otherwise He never would have been put to death.
Jesus wanted to please people. But people weren't pleased with Him. But He decided to continue to follow His purpose. No turning back.
The world behind me.
The cross before me.
The world behind me.
The cross before me.
No turning back. No turning back.
It's a daily battle. Giving up every part of ourselves. Giving up our wordly desires. Every day we have a decision to make: will we follow Jesus? We must leave the world behind us and keep the cross ALWAYS before us. And we must never turn back. It's SO hard some days. The pain and the trials might feel like they aren't worth the struggle. But they are. They are SO SO SO worth it! When we decide to follow Jesus....He will reward us. He will carry us through the pain and the sorrows. For we have decided to follow Him...the Almighty God who loves us more than we can fathom. In the end..it's all worth it.
Will you decide now to follow Jesus?
Will you decide now to follow Jesus?
No turning back. No turning back.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Desperation
I know..it's been a while since I last wrote. You know how life gets. Busy busy busy. Seriously...sometimes I think I'm the engergizer bunny. Just keep Going and goin and going and going and going and going and going................................
To be honest...I'm not even sure what I exactly wanted to blog about. I just felt like it was calling me name saying "WRITE SOMETHING!"
So here I am...typing...still not exactly sure what words and ideas will flow from my fingertips.
God has pretty much been rocking my face off these last few weeks. It really all started with Youth Convention. I got to chaperone my high school youth group for convention cause they were short on help. It was my first one and it was SO amazing. Not only did God work in my own life...but He was SO present in that church...encountering young people...starting a movement. It was so inspiring.
Pat Schaltzline (sp?) was the speaker and the first night his sermon was entitled "Why is God so Mad at Me?"
The four reasons why we think God is mad at us are:
Whoa. So often when we sin or we aren't living up to our potential in Christ, we think that God is disappointed in us. Or that He's mad at us. But He isn't. He is mad ABOUT us. He is CRAZY in love with us. He wants nothing more than to take our anger and our hurt and our frustrations and diminish them with His love, grace, and mercy. He wants us to turn to Him and cry out to Him. Whether we're angry and we need to vent...or if we're desperate for a move of God. He desperately wants to wrap His arms around us and let us cry.
God is desperate for us. But are we desperate for Him? I know I'm not always desperate. I sometimes go through life like it's a monotonous organized, step-by-step journey. Things become so routine and so...DULL. That includes my relationship with God. Or there are times where I want something more with God. I know that I NEED something more and I just don't go in deeper with God and find that something more
At Youth Convention...desperation set in. And I stopped listening to all the voices that were surrounding me...telling me that I don't have enough time in the day...telling me that things would never work out...telling me that there is something wrong with me...And I listened to the ONE voice that mattered.
I wanted to be desperate for God. And if there is one thing I have learned...it's that you can't fake desperation. You can say you're desperate all you want....but until you truly and passionately WANT it...when you want to see the move of God in your life so much it hurts...THAT Is when desperation kicks in.
God is desperate for you. Are you desperate for Him?
To be honest...I'm not even sure what I exactly wanted to blog about. I just felt like it was calling me name saying "WRITE SOMETHING!"
So here I am...typing...still not exactly sure what words and ideas will flow from my fingertips.
God has pretty much been rocking my face off these last few weeks. It really all started with Youth Convention. I got to chaperone my high school youth group for convention cause they were short on help. It was my first one and it was SO amazing. Not only did God work in my own life...but He was SO present in that church...encountering young people...starting a movement. It was so inspiring.
Pat Schaltzline (sp?) was the speaker and the first night his sermon was entitled "Why is God so Mad at Me?"
The four reasons why we think God is mad at us are:
- Maybe the way we saw our dad while growing up
- Maybe the way we were taught in church
- Maybe you think grace is too far our of your reach
- The devil is a liar
Whoa. So often when we sin or we aren't living up to our potential in Christ, we think that God is disappointed in us. Or that He's mad at us. But He isn't. He is mad ABOUT us. He is CRAZY in love with us. He wants nothing more than to take our anger and our hurt and our frustrations and diminish them with His love, grace, and mercy. He wants us to turn to Him and cry out to Him. Whether we're angry and we need to vent...or if we're desperate for a move of God. He desperately wants to wrap His arms around us and let us cry.
God is desperate for us. But are we desperate for Him? I know I'm not always desperate. I sometimes go through life like it's a monotonous organized, step-by-step journey. Things become so routine and so...DULL. That includes my relationship with God. Or there are times where I want something more with God. I know that I NEED something more and I just don't go in deeper with God and find that something more
At Youth Convention...desperation set in. And I stopped listening to all the voices that were surrounding me...telling me that I don't have enough time in the day...telling me that things would never work out...telling me that there is something wrong with me...And I listened to the ONE voice that mattered.
I wanted to be desperate for God. And if there is one thing I have learned...it's that you can't fake desperation. You can say you're desperate all you want....but until you truly and passionately WANT it...when you want to see the move of God in your life so much it hurts...THAT Is when desperation kicks in.
God is desperate for you. Are you desperate for Him?
Monday, October 4, 2010
Adventure
Taking risks.
That is what has been on my heart lately. And by taking risks I don't mean sky diving...bungee jumping...or any such thing.
I more or less mean taking risks...experiencing life...just..living.
What spurred on such a subject, you ask?
Well, it started last week at small group when we were talking about the subject of taking risks for God. We talked about experiencing life and taking risks because we never know how God will bless us when we take those risks. And it really got me to thinking about how I don't often take risks.
I am a HIGHLY organized person. I don't know what I would do without my planner. I have my daily schedule. And when that schedule gets screwed up...I start to stress out. And that's not always a good thing.
And I realized how I have lived life pretty safe. I like to know what's going to happen tomorrow. Well..God doesn't exactly work that way. Sometimes I just get on this path of daily routine that anything that gets thrown at me complete knocks me off balance.
And then I realized that I need to STOP being so stinking organized and stop letting my routine dictate my days. I need to not let myself get knocked off balance when my schedule gets shot to pieces.
And THEN i realized that sometimes I can get really uptight about life and not knowing what is going to happen tomorrow. Sometimes I get so worried that I am not following God's exact plan for my life and I get worked up about it.
We sometimes live in fear that if we make one wrong decision or if we don't follow God's map of our lives perfectly, then God is going to get mad at us. But God's will for our life is that we are in constant and close relationship with Him. God is NOT going to give me a detailed map of my life and send me on my merry way. Where is the relationship in that? God wants to adventure through life WITH me!
I once read in a Youthwalk devotional that we shouldn't think of God's will as a straight & narrow path. We should picture God's will as an open field. God gives us boundaries...but that is so we don't get hurt. But we have COMPLETE freedom to RUN, JUMP, & PLAY!
We shouldn't feel the pressure to get every single thing in life right. Because we won't. We are going to make mistakes. We are going to detour down the wrong path from time to time. And we need to stop getting frustrated with ourselves for that.
Learn to be OK with the journey!
Roll with the punches & enjoy the adventure!
Run. Jump. Leap. SOAR. Experience LIFE the way God CREATED it to be experienced!
The best part about it? God will be right there with you.
That is what has been on my heart lately. And by taking risks I don't mean sky diving...bungee jumping...or any such thing.
I more or less mean taking risks...experiencing life...just..living.
What spurred on such a subject, you ask?
Well, it started last week at small group when we were talking about the subject of taking risks for God. We talked about experiencing life and taking risks because we never know how God will bless us when we take those risks. And it really got me to thinking about how I don't often take risks.
I am a HIGHLY organized person. I don't know what I would do without my planner. I have my daily schedule. And when that schedule gets screwed up...I start to stress out. And that's not always a good thing.
And I realized how I have lived life pretty safe. I like to know what's going to happen tomorrow. Well..God doesn't exactly work that way. Sometimes I just get on this path of daily routine that anything that gets thrown at me complete knocks me off balance.
And then I realized that I need to STOP being so stinking organized and stop letting my routine dictate my days. I need to not let myself get knocked off balance when my schedule gets shot to pieces.
And THEN i realized that sometimes I can get really uptight about life and not knowing what is going to happen tomorrow. Sometimes I get so worried that I am not following God's exact plan for my life and I get worked up about it.
We sometimes live in fear that if we make one wrong decision or if we don't follow God's map of our lives perfectly, then God is going to get mad at us. But God's will for our life is that we are in constant and close relationship with Him. God is NOT going to give me a detailed map of my life and send me on my merry way. Where is the relationship in that? God wants to adventure through life WITH me!
I once read in a Youthwalk devotional that we shouldn't think of God's will as a straight & narrow path. We should picture God's will as an open field. God gives us boundaries...but that is so we don't get hurt. But we have COMPLETE freedom to RUN, JUMP, & PLAY!
We shouldn't feel the pressure to get every single thing in life right. Because we won't. We are going to make mistakes. We are going to detour down the wrong path from time to time. And we need to stop getting frustrated with ourselves for that.
Learn to be OK with the journey!
Roll with the punches & enjoy the adventure!
Run. Jump. Leap. SOAR. Experience LIFE the way God CREATED it to be experienced!
The best part about it? God will be right there with you.
Monday, September 27, 2010
You are beautiful in every single way
Beauty.
Such a simple word. Yet it holds such a high standard in society.
We hold ourselves up to what television and movies and magazines and celebrities say is beautiful. And then when we don't measure up, we get hard on ourselves.
And that breaks my heart.
Not just because I see the effects that the media and society has on a girl's (and guys) self-image (trust me..I wrote a 15 page paper on the subject last semester).
It breaks my heart because I've been there.
I guess I should start from the beginning.
I used to be called the fat girl in my class. From elementary school through middle school and the first few years of high school...I was chubby and not as healthy as I should have been. I always hated being that girl...but I never did anything to stop it. I would go home and have an after-school snack of cookies. Then dessert after supper of ice cream. Maybe a brownie before bed. But that all changed one day.
I was visiting my aunt & uncle in Washington the summer before my sophomore year of high school and she was showing us around her house...and when we were in the bathroom I saw the scale and decided to jump on it for kicks. It was one of the biggest reality checks of my life. And so..I decided to make a change. I cut back on sweets. I cut back on portions. And I eventually started exercising. By the end of my sophomore year, I had dropped 50 pounds.
It felt good at first. Being this skinny version of myself. But it wasn't long before the doubts and the self-image issues came into play. It especially happened when I got to college. Now...I want to clarify something. I never had an eating disorder. I lost weight the healthy way. But weight and eating was constantly on my mind. I would consistently be conscious of what I was eating. And if I ate something that I thought wasn't good...I would get super upset with myself. And I worked out constantly. And if I missed a day, I would get even more upset with myself. I would walk through campus and see girls and think "whoa. she is super skinny. why can't i be more skinny?" or "gosh...that guy is cute. i wonder if he thinks i'm pretty.."
The stress of weight and beauty and looking good was taking over my life. Until one day God caught a hold of me and showed me HIS meaning of beauty. The ONLY meaning of beauty that really matters. And He released me from those chains. Don't get me wrong...I still think about those things from time to time. But I am a girl and we tend to do that. But I don't carry around those burdens anymore.
So you can see why this subject is so close to my heart. It's because I've been there.
I look around me and I see these beautiful girls. Beautiful girls who think that they are ugly and unworthy. Beautiful girls who think they need to lose 10 pounds in order to get a boyfriend. Beautiful girls who think society's view of beauty is the only one that matters.
Who are we to define beauty?
There is a reason why this blog is called Unfading Beauty.
1 Peter 3:4~Instead, it should be that of the inner self, the UNFADING beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that is of great worth in God's sight.
Don't you see? God doesn't care if you are 115 pounds or 250 pounds. He doesn't care if you could make the cover of Vogue or if you are a "normal" looking girl with freckles.
Do you want to know why God doesn't care about those things? It's beacause we are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made by the ALMIGHTY GOD! He created YOU to be who YOU are for a purpose. You are the way you look for a REASON. Every element of your body was created by God....how can we be ashamed of that?
We shouldn't let the world tell us what the perfect image is. The world isn't our guide to life. GOD IS.
We should never focus on how much someone weighs. We should focus on whether they're healthy and if they are honoring God by taking care of their bodies. Here's something that is really awesome: God doesn't measure our faith by what size clothing we wear or by the numbers on a scale.
1 Samuel 16:7 ~ The Lord does not look at the things man
looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance
but the Lord looks at the heart.
Being healthy is a GOOD thing. It is honoring to God and it is taking care of our bodies, our temples, that the Lord has created. The problem is when our focus shifts from being healthy to being "thin." When we start letting people and magazines and tv and movies tell us what is beautiful, we start to follow unrealistic standards of what our bodies should look like. And when we can't achieve that look, we get disgusted with ourselves. But the reason we get disgusted with ourselves is because we fail to believe that God has made us.
You are a work of art, wonderfully created in the image of the greatest Artist. If we start to spend our time and energy worrying about our looks and self-image, then we won't have any time and energy left to spend on God's image. We are created in the image of God, and THAT is what our self-image should be wrapped up in.
Matthew 6:25;27 ~ therefore I tell you, do not worry about
your life, what you will eat or drink or
about your body, what you will wear. Is
not life more important than food and the
body more important than clothes?
Who of you by worrying can add a single
hour to his life?
Let's stop reading the advertiser's words about beauty and start reading GOD's words about truth & love & life & beauty.
There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to look nice...I. like to look nice..but don't lose sight of the greater priorty: your relationship with God. When you spend time with God and grow in Him, you will gain the kind of beauty that never fades.
<3
Such a simple word. Yet it holds such a high standard in society.
We hold ourselves up to what television and movies and magazines and celebrities say is beautiful. And then when we don't measure up, we get hard on ourselves.
And that breaks my heart.
Not just because I see the effects that the media and society has on a girl's (and guys) self-image (trust me..I wrote a 15 page paper on the subject last semester).
It breaks my heart because I've been there.
I guess I should start from the beginning.
I used to be called the fat girl in my class. From elementary school through middle school and the first few years of high school...I was chubby and not as healthy as I should have been. I always hated being that girl...but I never did anything to stop it. I would go home and have an after-school snack of cookies. Then dessert after supper of ice cream. Maybe a brownie before bed. But that all changed one day.
I was visiting my aunt & uncle in Washington the summer before my sophomore year of high school and she was showing us around her house...and when we were in the bathroom I saw the scale and decided to jump on it for kicks. It was one of the biggest reality checks of my life. And so..I decided to make a change. I cut back on sweets. I cut back on portions. And I eventually started exercising. By the end of my sophomore year, I had dropped 50 pounds.
It felt good at first. Being this skinny version of myself. But it wasn't long before the doubts and the self-image issues came into play. It especially happened when I got to college. Now...I want to clarify something. I never had an eating disorder. I lost weight the healthy way. But weight and eating was constantly on my mind. I would consistently be conscious of what I was eating. And if I ate something that I thought wasn't good...I would get super upset with myself. And I worked out constantly. And if I missed a day, I would get even more upset with myself. I would walk through campus and see girls and think "whoa. she is super skinny. why can't i be more skinny?" or "gosh...that guy is cute. i wonder if he thinks i'm pretty.."
The stress of weight and beauty and looking good was taking over my life. Until one day God caught a hold of me and showed me HIS meaning of beauty. The ONLY meaning of beauty that really matters. And He released me from those chains. Don't get me wrong...I still think about those things from time to time. But I am a girl and we tend to do that. But I don't carry around those burdens anymore.
So you can see why this subject is so close to my heart. It's because I've been there.
I look around me and I see these beautiful girls. Beautiful girls who think that they are ugly and unworthy. Beautiful girls who think they need to lose 10 pounds in order to get a boyfriend. Beautiful girls who think society's view of beauty is the only one that matters.
Who are we to define beauty?
There is a reason why this blog is called Unfading Beauty.
1 Peter 3:4~Instead, it should be that of the inner self, the UNFADING beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that is of great worth in God's sight.
Don't you see? God doesn't care if you are 115 pounds or 250 pounds. He doesn't care if you could make the cover of Vogue or if you are a "normal" looking girl with freckles.
Do you want to know why God doesn't care about those things? It's beacause we are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made by the ALMIGHTY GOD! He created YOU to be who YOU are for a purpose. You are the way you look for a REASON. Every element of your body was created by God....how can we be ashamed of that?
We shouldn't let the world tell us what the perfect image is. The world isn't our guide to life. GOD IS.
We should never focus on how much someone weighs. We should focus on whether they're healthy and if they are honoring God by taking care of their bodies. Here's something that is really awesome: God doesn't measure our faith by what size clothing we wear or by the numbers on a scale.
1 Samuel 16:7 ~ The Lord does not look at the things man
looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance
but the Lord looks at the heart.
Being healthy is a GOOD thing. It is honoring to God and it is taking care of our bodies, our temples, that the Lord has created. The problem is when our focus shifts from being healthy to being "thin." When we start letting people and magazines and tv and movies tell us what is beautiful, we start to follow unrealistic standards of what our bodies should look like. And when we can't achieve that look, we get disgusted with ourselves. But the reason we get disgusted with ourselves is because we fail to believe that God has made us.
You are a work of art, wonderfully created in the image of the greatest Artist. If we start to spend our time and energy worrying about our looks and self-image, then we won't have any time and energy left to spend on God's image. We are created in the image of God, and THAT is what our self-image should be wrapped up in.
Matthew 6:25;27 ~ therefore I tell you, do not worry about
your life, what you will eat or drink or
about your body, what you will wear. Is
not life more important than food and the
body more important than clothes?
Who of you by worrying can add a single
hour to his life?
Let's stop reading the advertiser's words about beauty and start reading GOD's words about truth & love & life & beauty.
There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to look nice...I. like to look nice..but don't lose sight of the greater priorty: your relationship with God. When you spend time with God and grow in Him, you will gain the kind of beauty that never fades.
<3
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Seasons
I have decided to join the blogging world. I mean, I am a journalist after all.
I don't know who will read this. If anyone will read this. But I'm ok with that.
When I first thought about blogs, I thought about self-centered people who write about themselves and complain about how sucky life is.
Don't worry...this won't be one of those blogs.
Sure, some days I might complain about life. But others I hope to share with you the things on my heart and the things God is doing in my life. Like now.
I've had a lot of relizations in the last while. The biggest one? I am a SENIOR. Spell is out people, a S-E-N-I-O-R!
Walking on campus that first day of school...it hit me. I am a senior. I will be graduating in May 2011. I will have to find a real job. Wow.
If you would have told me freshman year that I would have enjoyed college, I would have told you that you were nuts (Freshman year was a rough one...but that's a whole different story). I was told by a number of people before coming to NDSU that college is "the best years of your life." At first I thought they were crazy. Now...I realize how true it is.
My nearly four years at NDSU has been BEYOND blessed. What with Chi Alpha, theatre, the newspaper, my amazing friends...the thought of leaving these things behind is so hard to bare some days.
The future is scary. And I won't lie. At the end of the school year this spring, I was super ridiculously freaked out about graduating in a year. I hated the thought of being done with college. I finally got the hang of college. I am GOOD at college. There was always that promise at the end of the school year that I would be back and taking on another year. That wasn't so much the case this time. I know, I know. What good does it do to worry? It doesn't. (But let's consider the fact that I am genetically inclined to be a worrywart. Thanks Mom & Grandma)
But then something happened. I was out visiting FaHoCha Bible Camp this summer, only the greatest place on Earth (I may be a little biased). It was the first time I'd been out there in 2 years. I was standing out on the dock, looking over the lake and I couldn't help but think of how much I missed camp. Of how much I missed that time in my life, when things seemed so much simpler. The future wasn't such a huge and looming thought in my mind. I wished that I could go back and relive those years.
But God got a hold of me. He told me that my years at camp were a huge and wonderful part of my life. And those years are the springboard that got me to where I am today. That season of my life has passed. But it was a small piece in the puzzle of my life that only God can complete.
Well, I continued through the summer holding close to that moment of realization. It wasn't until a few weeks ago when I was talking with my voice teacher that I had another huge realization. I am in a completely new season of life. And I didn't really realize it. God literally thrust me into this season, with no warnings, no advance notification. I'm here. And I'm not afraid of it.
Sometimes new seasons of life are hard and difficult. This season of my life doesn't seem to be one of those times. I'm just come to realize so much.
I'm a senior. I graduate in May. Uffdah.
I am no longer a follower. I AM a leader. In Chi Alpha, I am a small group leader. I am on the worship team. There are people who look to me for guidance and who count on me. I'm not saying this in a vain way. Because God has placed me in this leadership position. What I'm saying, is that I CAN'T be a follower anymore. This is my time to rise up into the position God has placed me in. I can't sit back and let someone else take the reigns. I can't sit on the sidelines and feel that I'm not good enough. That season has passed.
Not only am I a leader in Chi Alpha, but God has given me an awesome opportunity in theatre as well. The past 2 years, I have been a member of Musical Theatre Troupe (an AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME blessing from the Lord!) and I have always been one to hang back and let the others take the lead. God isn't really letting me do that this year. He has placed this wonderful girl Callie in Troupe for me to mentor. She's a freshman, and literally my mini-me. She's fabulous and a blessing and I know God has placed her in Troupe so I can help her through all the insecurities I dealt with when starting Troupe.
I guess that's a huge part of this new season. That I am no longer a follower. But I am destined to be a leader. How can I sit back and be afraid of that? To be afraid would be to refuse God's plan for this year. I refuse to walk away from college feeling like I could have done more.
But another part of this new season is that I am much LESS afraid of the future than I was 4 months ago. I have this peace about everything. Yes..it still freaks me out. But there is this unwordly calmness that I feel. And I know there is so much to consider. I have had this feeling for the last few months that God is going to take me somewhere unexpected.
Where is this unexpected place? I don't know, and some days that kills me. Maybe God will take me across the country to write for a Christian magazine or work for a Christian publishing company.
Or maybe God will take me overseas with some organization...
Or maybe God will place me in an unexpected town in North Dakota....
The future is scary. But God is good. And that is the one promise that I can cling to in this time of uncertainty. It's the promise I HAVE To cling to. But if there is anything I have learned in the last 3 months...it's that God's timing is SO SO SO perfect. Each moment is such an intricate and vital piece of the puzzle that only God can complete...at His own and perfect pace.
~Jeremiah 29:11~
For I KNOW the plans I have for, declares the Lord. Plans to PROSPER you and not to harm you. Plans to give you HOPE and a Future
I don't know who will read this. If anyone will read this. But I'm ok with that.
When I first thought about blogs, I thought about self-centered people who write about themselves and complain about how sucky life is.
Don't worry...this won't be one of those blogs.
Sure, some days I might complain about life. But others I hope to share with you the things on my heart and the things God is doing in my life. Like now.
I've had a lot of relizations in the last while. The biggest one? I am a SENIOR. Spell is out people, a S-E-N-I-O-R!
Walking on campus that first day of school...it hit me. I am a senior. I will be graduating in May 2011. I will have to find a real job. Wow.
If you would have told me freshman year that I would have enjoyed college, I would have told you that you were nuts (Freshman year was a rough one...but that's a whole different story). I was told by a number of people before coming to NDSU that college is "the best years of your life." At first I thought they were crazy. Now...I realize how true it is.
My nearly four years at NDSU has been BEYOND blessed. What with Chi Alpha, theatre, the newspaper, my amazing friends...the thought of leaving these things behind is so hard to bare some days.
The future is scary. And I won't lie. At the end of the school year this spring, I was super ridiculously freaked out about graduating in a year. I hated the thought of being done with college. I finally got the hang of college. I am GOOD at college. There was always that promise at the end of the school year that I would be back and taking on another year. That wasn't so much the case this time. I know, I know. What good does it do to worry? It doesn't. (But let's consider the fact that I am genetically inclined to be a worrywart. Thanks Mom & Grandma)
But then something happened. I was out visiting FaHoCha Bible Camp this summer, only the greatest place on Earth (I may be a little biased). It was the first time I'd been out there in 2 years. I was standing out on the dock, looking over the lake and I couldn't help but think of how much I missed camp. Of how much I missed that time in my life, when things seemed so much simpler. The future wasn't such a huge and looming thought in my mind. I wished that I could go back and relive those years.
But God got a hold of me. He told me that my years at camp were a huge and wonderful part of my life. And those years are the springboard that got me to where I am today. That season of my life has passed. But it was a small piece in the puzzle of my life that only God can complete.
Well, I continued through the summer holding close to that moment of realization. It wasn't until a few weeks ago when I was talking with my voice teacher that I had another huge realization. I am in a completely new season of life. And I didn't really realize it. God literally thrust me into this season, with no warnings, no advance notification. I'm here. And I'm not afraid of it.
Sometimes new seasons of life are hard and difficult. This season of my life doesn't seem to be one of those times. I'm just come to realize so much.
I'm a senior. I graduate in May. Uffdah.
I am no longer a follower. I AM a leader. In Chi Alpha, I am a small group leader. I am on the worship team. There are people who look to me for guidance and who count on me. I'm not saying this in a vain way. Because God has placed me in this leadership position. What I'm saying, is that I CAN'T be a follower anymore. This is my time to rise up into the position God has placed me in. I can't sit back and let someone else take the reigns. I can't sit on the sidelines and feel that I'm not good enough. That season has passed.
Not only am I a leader in Chi Alpha, but God has given me an awesome opportunity in theatre as well. The past 2 years, I have been a member of Musical Theatre Troupe (an AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME blessing from the Lord!) and I have always been one to hang back and let the others take the lead. God isn't really letting me do that this year. He has placed this wonderful girl Callie in Troupe for me to mentor. She's a freshman, and literally my mini-me. She's fabulous and a blessing and I know God has placed her in Troupe so I can help her through all the insecurities I dealt with when starting Troupe.
I guess that's a huge part of this new season. That I am no longer a follower. But I am destined to be a leader. How can I sit back and be afraid of that? To be afraid would be to refuse God's plan for this year. I refuse to walk away from college feeling like I could have done more.
But another part of this new season is that I am much LESS afraid of the future than I was 4 months ago. I have this peace about everything. Yes..it still freaks me out. But there is this unwordly calmness that I feel. And I know there is so much to consider. I have had this feeling for the last few months that God is going to take me somewhere unexpected.
Where is this unexpected place? I don't know, and some days that kills me. Maybe God will take me across the country to write for a Christian magazine or work for a Christian publishing company.
Or maybe God will take me overseas with some organization...
Or maybe God will place me in an unexpected town in North Dakota....
The future is scary. But God is good. And that is the one promise that I can cling to in this time of uncertainty. It's the promise I HAVE To cling to. But if there is anything I have learned in the last 3 months...it's that God's timing is SO SO SO perfect. Each moment is such an intricate and vital piece of the puzzle that only God can complete...at His own and perfect pace.
~Jeremiah 29:11~
For I KNOW the plans I have for, declares the Lord. Plans to PROSPER you and not to harm you. Plans to give you HOPE and a Future
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