Selfless Love

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
It does not envy,
It does not boast,
It is not proud.
It does not dishonor others,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no records of wrongs.
Love does not...

Whoa whoa whoa. Hold up.

Love is not self-seeking? As in, love is not selfish?

Ouch.

That one hurt. At least for me it did anyway. 

It's easy to look at love as something that should benefit us. What's in this for me? What can I get out of this? What can this person do to meet my needs? What can this person do to fill my love tank? I want this person to do everything in their power to make me feel good.

I'll tell you one thing: Jesus made being selfless look REAL easy.

It's easy to get selfish. It's easy to look at the personal benefits and forget about other people involved. It's easy to forget that we are called to love selflessly and to put the needs of others on the front burner.

But when we are servants to others, when we love unconditionally, with no strings attached, no selfish gain in the matter, we are loving like Jesus loves. When we put our needs on the back burner and put forth everything we have into loving that other person, then we will start to see the love pour back to us.

When we get past ourselves and love selflessly, then we will begin to experience the purest, most incredible form of love that we were destined and created to experience.

And that makes love so incredibly worth it.

Don't Lose Heart

You remember that one time when I said I was going to be a more diligent blogger?

Yeah....about that...

:) What can I say? I've been consumed by life. There have been some pretty major things happening since the last time I wrote. Here's a little recap:

1. I graduated college...
Was that really 4 months ago already? Whoa... Well, this was obviously a major event in my life. I had so many mixed emotions about graduating: excitement, fear, anxiety, relief, sadness. I was so excited to see what was next and to be done with homework and tests and not be so stressed out by a relentless schedule. And let me tell you, coming home after a long day and not dealing with homework is BLISS! But the uncertainty of what was to happen after college brought fear. I also had to let go of a lot of things, which brought about great sadness.

As much as I didn't want to, I knew it was time to quietly pack my bags and say good-bye to Chi Alpha, something that God used to literally change my life. It has been hard, not being in that exciting atmosphere with hundreds of college students who are craving a move of God on their lives. It's been hard not leading my awesome small group every week, or seeing my beloved friends every Thursday. But. Seasons change. And as hard as it is, I know God used XA to bring me to this place I am now and to prepare me for what He has in store. I am so excited to follow Him into the ministry opportunities He has before me.

I also had to say good-bye to NDSU Theatre, my favorite element of my 4 years at school. I was given the most amazing opportunities to perform: something I live and breathe for. They are opportunities that come once in a lifetime. I did shows like West Side Story, Oklahoma, The Secret Garden. I performed in 3 semesters of Musical Theater Troupe. I was chosen to sing for world-renown Broadway composer Andrew Lippa. I had multiple semesters of voice lessons with an amazing teacher and was given the opportunity to better myself. I made AMAZING friends in the Theater Dept. and I miss them dearly. I say all this with a VERY humble heart. Because these opportunities made me who I am today. God blessed me with GREAT opportunities to do what I love, but most importantly with the opportunity to be His light in the theater. Without Him, these things would have meant nothing. Saying good-bye to this broke my heart. I miss it dearly.

2. I GOT ENGAGED!!
Yeah...that was kinda sorta the best event of the summer (or my 22 years of life!) I honestly could have made this entire post about how excited I am and go into all the mushy-gushy details. But I'll spare you ;) I'll put it like this: I am completely, utterly and infintely blessed. Words can't describe how thankful I am that God has placed Jordan, this amazing and indescrible man, into my life. I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with him, the guy who God created specifically for me...literally my other half. I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend...and I can't wait until then.

3. Job hunting. *shudder*
Just the sound of the term "job hunting" makes me want to stick pins in my eyes. Drastic? Probably. But it was hard. Like, really hard. I'm sure anyone who is searching for a job in this economy can vouch. I put in application after application. Sent out resume after resume. And I got a whole whoppping TWO interviews. TWO. With 20+ applications out there. Doesn't that make a person feel qualified? But God was there. I remember a particular night in June when I seriously wanted to give up and the next day I got a call for my first interview. Didn't get the job. Few weeks went by...started to get really frustrated again. Got a call for another interview..which led to a second interview..which led to my current job, which I love. God's timing is always and infinitely perfect. This job came at the perfect time--any earlier and I may have been seriously stressed with moving to a new apartment/wedding planning/other commitments. It was hard. But God was there.


It's been a crazy summer. An exciting, awesome summer. And a hard, trying one. Lots of changes. Having to adjust to a new life. Learning how to let go. Clinging on to what's left. There have been trials and mountains to climb. But through it all I can't help but stop, check myself and ask...Am I praising Him through the storm?

Admist the job hunting frustrations and a few other things that occurred, I was reminded of one of my favorite chapers in the Bible that has helped me numerous times in my life. 2 Corinthians 4. Particularly verses 16-18:

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly

we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being

renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles

are achieving for us an eternal glory that far

outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen

but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary,

but what is unseen is eternal.

Don't lose heart, my friend. If you're going through a trying time...things are up and down and hard...don't lose heart. On the outside, you might be crumbling. But if you fix your eyes on Jesus and rely on Him, you will be renewed every single day. Everything you're going through now...they are small and fleeting. They will be surprassed by the glory that we will achieve through these trials if we just rely on Jesus through it all.

It's ok to get frustrated and angry. It's ok to be hurt. But don't you forget who is holding your hand through this. People will disappoint you. Jesus will not.

Don't focus so much on the trial and the hardship that is happening to you now, for those things are temporary. Focus on the days when the trials pass, and how sweet it will be to know you trusted Jesus to get you through it. Because He will.

That's all for now. I would promise that I will do better at this blogging thing...but I won't make yet another promise I apparently am really horrible at keeping ;)

So...until next time!

Passion for life

I recently saw the movie "Eat, Pray, Love." In the film, Liz Gilbert is newly divorced and at a crossroads. She has lost who she is and has lost passion and zest for life. So, she steps out of her comfort zone and takes a risk. She let's go of everything she has and embarks on a journey around the world. She first heads to Italy where she learns to enjoy the pleasures of eating, without freaking out about calories and gaining weight. She then heads to India where she finds the power of prayer and finally, she heads to Bali where she is reminded what it is to love.


While this wasn't the greatest movie I've ever seen in the world, I was captivated by its message: to hold on to your dreams and find a passion for life. I feel as though it's easy for people, myself include, to forget to hold on to their dreams. Maybe you think your dreams are too far-fetched to achieve. Maybe you think you aren't equipped enough to achieve your dreams. Maybe you feel as though your dreams are bigger than yourself--too big.


To all that I say, PISH POSH! Elenor Roosevelt once said "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
How true is that? Your dreams are BEAUTIFUL! God created us to be dreamers. He puts dreams in our hearts, dreams that are sometimes bigger than ourselves. And if it is in God's plan, He will equip us with the tools needed to achieve those dreams! Nothing is impossible when God is behind us!!


When we lose sight of our dreams, we lose a passion for life. We lose part of ourselves. Our dreams, no matter how big and how far-fetched they are, they are part of us. They are part of our heart...they make us who we are. When we give up on our dreams, we lose a passion and zest for life that comes with achieving those dreams.


And so I say to you: don't lose sight of your dreams--no matter how big or how small they are. Keep dreaming! Step out of your comfort zone and take a risk. Do something you've always wanted to do, but have been afraid to. Do something you've always wanted to do, but haven't really had time to. Enjoy every moment. Find passion and zest for life. Don't give up!


I've learned that I can't be afraid. And so, I've decided that's time to start checking things off my bucket list. Here's a few things on my list:

• Publish my own cookbook
• Learn how to play guitar
• Learn how to knit
• Learn to like running. Cause I hate it. A lot.
• Run a 5k
• Open a bakery with my best friend
• Take ballroom dancing lessons
• Fall in love
• Write a song
• Play Belle in the musical "Beauty and the Beast"
• Cook my way through a Rachael Ray cookbook
• See a Broadway show in New  York City
• See Europe. All of it. Italy, France, London, Austria, Germany, Greece, Norway again...ALL of it!
• Ride an elephant
• Go parasailing
• Eat some crazy weird food in a foreign country
• Start a new fashion trend
• Have a family
• Sing in a karaoke contest
• Coreograph a dance
• Learn how to sew and make a quilt
• Take a random road trip with no particular destination
• Hike through the mountains
• Direct a musical
• Become an interior designer
• Eat ice cream until I puke
• Learn how to draw...well
• Send a message in a bottle
• Catch a fly ball at a baseball game (cause I stink at sports)
• Send someone on a treasure hunt

Your dreams are beautiful. Don't let them go!

randomness & realizations

Hey all.
I know, I know. It's been a LONG time since I've blogged.
But gimme a break. It's been busy. Seriously.

This is kinda one of those moments where I don't know what the heck I want to write about. I just got a really big ambition the other day to blog about something. Anything. I see other people's awesome blogs and I want to make my blog just as awesome. For my Specialty Writing class, we are doing blogs on the Fargo Forum's Area Voices blog directory. My blog is entitled Beyond the Scale: Feeling Good about the True You. It's all about self-image and feeling beautiful in your own skin. It's been super fun and I've enjoyed getting to do it, but because it's for a class, my writing is a little more restricted.

So the other day I got this huge and sudden urge to start up with this blog again, where I have a little more freedom to do as I please. But I'll be honest. As I'm sitting here typing...I feel as though I'm coming up short of anything awesome to write about! *Sigh* Actually...I just had a whole update on my life typed out and deleted it because I wasn't really feeling the whole "here's all about me."

So I guess it comes down to this: I've been incredibly blessed these last couple months. I could get into all of the awesome things that have happened and all the stories and details about what I've been blessed with...but that's not the point I want to make.

The point is that all of these incredibly blessings mean nothing if I didn't have God in my life. Sure, these blessings still may have happened...but without God they wouldn't be fulfilling. I wouldn't be humbled by these experiences if I didn't have God. It's because of Him that I've had these opportunities. It's because of HIM and His grace, mercy and love that I'm humbled and not boastful. All of these awesome things mean NOTHING without Him. It's like the song "Cry of My Heart" by Starfield: What do I have if I don't have you, Jesus? What in this life could mean anymore? You are my rock, You are my glory. You are the lifter of my head.

And while I've been incredibly blessed, I've also had a lot on my plate lately. With graduation looming, finding a job, family matters and other major happenings of life...I got to a point where all of these things kept piling on top of each other and I felt like I was balancing a very tall stack of plates...by the nose.

It's kinda like this: there is a huge puzzle sitting in front of me but I can't put the puzzle together as quickly as I'd like because I'm only given one puzzle piece at a time and I don't have a picture to show me where everything goes. So here I am, trying to do it my own way...trying to jam the piece in a place where it doesn't fit. I realize that it doesn't fit but I'm too stubborn and keep trying to put it where it doesn't belong. Until God lovingly grabs my hand and says "No, silly Emily. This piece needs to be turned this way...and it belongs over here."

Then I'm given the next piece and I'm given a choice: try and jam it where it doesn't belong and get frustrated and angry because it isn't working OR I can hold onto the puzzle piece and be patient until God shows me where it belongs.

I'm learning that option 2 is MUCH more gratifying. I'm learning that God is the only one who knows what the final puzzle of my life looks like and it's kinda pointless trying to put it together myself.

So I just want to encourage you. If you're going through a time where you feel like you've got a lot on your plate and things just don't seem to be falling into place...be diligent. Have patience. Wait on the Lord, the ultimate puzzle put-together-er. HE sees the big picture. HE knows exactly what comes next in the puzzle. HE knows which piece goes where and what piece has to be put into place before the next piece can. I promise that by relying on Him and his expert puzzle skills, you will see just how blessed we can be by our gracious and wonderful King!

Thanks for enduring through the randomness of this post...I hope to be a little more diligent in my blogger skills...so stay tuned for more hopefully soon : )

I have decided..

Do you ever have those moments when the words of a song or a video or the words of a friend hit you with such force that it almost knocks you to your knees? Your heart wells up and tears start to fall? Yeah...I had one of those moments recently.

It came one night at Chi Alpha as we were singing these words:

I have decided to follow Jesus.
I have decided to follow Jesus.
I have decided to follow Jesus.
No turning back. No turning back.

What a huge decision to make. I can't really explain what it was about these words that hit me so hard. Following Jesus is not a decision that can be made half-heartedly. You can't put one foot in and say "Ok God..I think this is good. I can follow you...for the most part."

With God...it's all or nothing.

Think about that for a second. ALL. or nothing.

Whoa. I still get chills thinking about that. I still am not sure why these words..which I have sang so many times... hit me with the force of a brick wall. Maybe it's because God has blessed me in so many undeserved ways..especially lately. Or maybe it's because everyday I witness the awesome things God does in my life and the lives of others. I see the benefits of following Jesus. It's hard. There are trials. But don't the benefits outweigh the trials a million to one?!

Though none go with me.
Still I will follow.
Though none go with me.
Still I will follow.
No turning back. No turning back.

I think that is sometimes the hardest part about the decision to follow Jesus. We decide to follow Jesus...but often times that decision is not masked by the people in our lives. We are ridiculed and condemned. We are called hypocrites and fakes. We desperately wish for our friends and family to understand our choice.

I think this is the hardest part for me. I really hate when people get upset with me...or think that I am judging them. I am a people pleaser. And I REALLY hate when people are mad at me. But a very wise person recently pointed out to me that Jesus didn't make people happy. Clearly not, otherwise He never would have been put to death.

Jesus wanted to please people. But people weren't pleased with Him. But He decided to continue to follow His purpose. No turning back.

The world behind me.
The cross before me.
The world behind me.
The cross before me.
No turning back. No turning back.

It's a daily battle. Giving up every part of ourselves. Giving up our wordly desires. Every day we have a decision to make: will we follow Jesus? We must leave the world behind us and keep the cross ALWAYS before us. And we must never turn back. It's SO hard some days. The pain and the trials might feel like they aren't worth the struggle. But they are. They are SO SO SO worth it! When we decide to follow Jesus....He will reward us. He will carry us through the pain and the sorrows. For we have decided to follow Him...the Almighty God who loves us more than we can fathom. In the end..it's all worth it.

Will you decide now to follow Jesus?
Will you decide now to follow Jesus?
No turning back. No turning back.

Desperation

I know..it's been a while since I last wrote. You know how life gets. Busy busy busy. Seriously...sometimes I think I'm the engergizer bunny. Just keep Going and goin and going and going and going and going and going................................

To be honest...I'm not even sure what I exactly wanted to blog about. I just felt like it was calling me name saying "WRITE SOMETHING!"
So here I am...typing...still not exactly sure what words and ideas will flow from my fingertips.

God has pretty much been rocking my face off these last few weeks. It really all started with Youth Convention. I got to chaperone my high school youth group for convention cause they were short on help. It was my first one and it was SO amazing. Not only did God work in my own life...but He was SO present in that church...encountering young people...starting a movement. It was so inspiring.

Pat Schaltzline (sp?) was the speaker and the first night his sermon was entitled "Why is God so Mad at Me?"

The four reasons why we think God is mad at us are:

1. Maybe the way we saw our dad while growing up
2. Maybe the way we were taught in church
3. Maybe you think grace is too far our of your reach
4. The devil is a liar

Then Pat made this fantastic point that hit me SO hard: God isn't mad at you. God is mad ABOUT you.

Whoa. So often when we sin or we aren't living up to our potential in Christ, we think that God is disappointed in us. Or that He's mad at us. But He isn't. He is mad ABOUT us. He is CRAZY in love with us. He wants nothing more than to take our anger and our hurt and our frustrations and diminish them with His love, grace, and mercy. He wants us to turn to Him and cry out to Him. Whether we're angry and we need to vent...or if we're desperate for a move of God. He desperately wants to wrap His arms around us and let us cry.

God is desperate for us. But are we desperate for Him? I know I'm not always desperate. I sometimes go through life like it's a monotonous organized, step-by-step journey. Things become so routine and so...DULL. That includes my relationship with God. Or there are times where I want something more with God. I know that I NEED something more and I just don't go in deeper with God and find that something more

At Youth Convention...desperation set in. And I stopped listening to all the voices that were surrounding me...telling me that I don't have enough time in the day...telling me that things would never work out...telling me that there is something wrong with me...And I listened to the ONE voice that mattered.

I wanted to be desperate for God. And if there is one thing I have learned...it's that you can't fake desperation. You can say you're desperate all you want....but until you truly and passionately WANT it...when you want to see the move of God in your life so much it hurts...THAT Is when desperation kicks in.

God is desperate for you. Are you desperate for Him?

Adventure

Taking risks.
That is what has been on my heart lately. And by taking risks I don't mean sky diving...bungee jumping...or any such thing.
I more or less mean taking risks...experiencing life...just..living.
What spurred on such a subject, you ask?
Well, it started last week at small group when we were talking about the subject of taking risks for God. We talked about experiencing life and taking risks because we never know how God will bless us when we take those risks. And it really got me to thinking about how I don't often take risks.

I am a HIGHLY organized person. I don't know what I would do without my planner. I have my daily schedule. And when that schedule gets screwed up...I start to stress out. And that's not always a good thing.
And I realized how I have lived life pretty safe. I like to know what's going to happen tomorrow. Well..God doesn't exactly work that way. Sometimes I just get on this path of daily routine that anything that gets thrown at me complete knocks me off balance.

And then I realized that I need to STOP being so stinking organized and stop letting my routine dictate my days. I need to not let myself get knocked off balance when my schedule gets shot to pieces.
And THEN i realized that sometimes I can get really uptight about life and not knowing what is going to happen tomorrow. Sometimes I get so worried that I am not following God's exact plan for my life and I get worked up about it.

We sometimes live in fear that if we make one wrong decision or if we don't follow God's map of our lives perfectly, then God is going to get mad at us. But God's will for our life is that we are in constant and close relationship with Him. God is NOT going to give me a detailed map of my life and send me on my merry way. Where is the relationship in that? God wants to adventure through life WITH me!

I once read in a Youthwalk devotional that we shouldn't think of God's will as a straight & narrow path. We should picture God's will as an open field. God gives us boundaries...but that is so we don't get hurt. But we have COMPLETE freedom to RUN, JUMP, & PLAY!

We shouldn't feel the pressure to get every single thing in life right. Because we won't. We are going to make mistakes. We are going to detour down the wrong path from time to time. And we need to stop getting frustrated with ourselves for that.

Learn to be OK with the journey!
Roll with the punches & enjoy the adventure!
Run. Jump. Leap. SOAR. Experience LIFE the way God CREATED it to be experienced!

The best part about it? God will be right there with you.